Thursday, July 15, 2004
As I turn and churn my way through the "court" system, there has been a lot of talk about the UNITED STATES DISTRICT COURT operating under admiralty. It certainly appears to me that it is a combination of admiralty and war powers. The way these courts function is so absurd it defies one's imagination.
I was talking with another researcher and she told me of one of her clients to made the statement in one of his legal papers that he is not a fish, he doesn't inhabit the sea, and he doesn't live upon the ocean. What was interesting about this man is that his legal document was successful. Now we don't know if the fish statement helped his case, but he did have it in the document and a bunch of us had a big laugh over it. While this sounds ridiculous on the surface just look at what the First Continental Congress stated in 1774.
" Whereas, since the close of the last war, the British parliament, claiming a power, of right, to bind the people of America by statutes in all cases whatsoever, hath, in some acts, expressly imposed taxes on them, and in others, under various presences, but in fact for the purpose of raising a revenue, hath imposed rates and duties payable in these colonies, established a board of commissioners, with unconstitutional powers, and extended the jurisdiction of courts of admiralty, not only for collecting the said duties, but for the trial of causes merely arising within the body of a county"
I was sitting at my computer musing about all of this and I got in one of those moods where I couldn't resist the temptation to write something up on it. Some people who know me said I had too much time on my hands. I agree.
Working with this kind of material is an oppression of one's mind and I decided to just cut loose and show how absurd things can get. This is just for fun and it did not happen any court...I just made it up for my own entertainment and amusement. Although it was inspired by events that happened to me.
Judge: Mr. Thompson
AT: (in wrist, waist, and ankle chains) Are you addressing me? Judge: Yes
AT: I am not a fish.
Judge: What in the hell are you talking about?
AT: I'm not a fish, whale, or any other sea or water creature.
Judge: If your trying to be a smart alleck, I'm going to hold you in contempt of this court.
AT: Sir, I want to make very sure that I don't inadvertently fall into some kind of admiralty proceeding. While were discussing this, I'm not a vessel. So I don't swim underwater and breath through any gills. I am not the Capt. of THE LOVE BOAT.
Judge: This is not an admiralty proceeding! This is a statutory court.
AT: Is this an Article III court?
AT: What statute did I allegedly violate? Remember, I'm not a fish!
Judge: Shut up! Or I'll send you for psychiatriac evaluation for 30 days.
AT: I'll go if you go.
AT: If you say this is a statutory court, where's the statute?
Judge: I can't give you any legal advice. You may hire an attorney, or if you can't afford one, the court will provide one for you.
AT: This sounds fishy to me...no pun intended. First you say this is a statutory court yet I'm not charged with any statutes. I ask for the statutes and you give me an off point answer that you "can't give me any legal advice". And furthermore, I resent being Shanghaied onto this vessel. I do not consent to being Shanghaied and I also resent being treated like a beached whale or sturgeon.
Judge: Mr. Thompson Are you TRYING to go to jail?
AT: If you look up the term "fish royal" in Blacks you won't think I'm so crazy. I am not a fish.
AT: And you had me Shanghaied by the US Marshall Service...I think they called them Brown Shirts in Nazi Germany. Your Brown Shirts picked me up without a lawful warrant. I believe sir, that is some kind of Title 18 offense...that's assuming that the DOJ attorneys know how to read something other than Mein Kampf.
Judge: I'm giving you one more warning Mr. Thompson, I'm not going to tolerate you disrupting this courtroom with your nonsense. You have to have respect and you've essentially thumbed your nose at this court.
AT: That's your opinion, actually the court has to earn respect by helping to preserve the rights of any man or woman who comes before this court. So far, all I can see here is raw power, where the fish is caught into the net and then simply processed. I am not a fish. I am not the LOVE BOAT or any other vessel. I'm not a fiction, I'm not a corporation, I'm not a belligerent, I'm not an insurrectionist. I am not Moby Dick nor am I Captian Hook. I am a man on the land, and I am a neutral and I'm not at war with anyone. And I don't spell my name in ALL CAPS. I learned real English..not this legal babble. I've been Shanghaied into this "court."
Judge: Sir, you had a lawful warrant out on you.
AT: Wellllllllll..............If you did, then why didn't your Brown Shirts produce it?
Judge: They are not Brown Shirts!!
AT: If they picked me up without a lawful warrant, what else am I supposed to think? You had me Shanghaied and YOU violated the law, not me. And now the liability is on you. I'm not that dumb, I know a lawful warrant when I see one. The problem is that I've never seen a lawful warrant. By what authority do you have me Shanghaied?
Judge: You are under the jurisdiction of UNITED STATES DISTRICT COURT.
AT: Well, we know this court isn't in law, we know there's no contract...so it can't be equity...so it must be admiralty. I am not a fish. I am not the Captian of the LOVE BOAT or any other vessel...I am not a vessel. I might be a little dingy but I am not a dingy.
Judge: GET THIS SON OF A BITCH OUTTA MY COURTROOM! NOW! REMAND HIM TO THE PSYCHIATRIC WARD FOR 30 DAYS.
Shrink: Mr. Thompson, I'd like to conduct an examination on you. You are going to be under our care (captivity) for 30 days and we are going to evaluate your mental and emotional condition and then give a report back to the judge.
AT: Is he taking a test too?
AT: I'm not a fish.....
Shrink: What did you say?
AT: I'm not a fish.....I'm not a whale...I'm not a sea or water creature..that's what I mean when I say I'm not a fish.
Shrink: What in the world? What do you mean you're not a fish?
AT: I'm not a fish!
Shrink: Are you crazy?
AT: Why, do YOU think I'm a fish?
Shrink: This is the most insane thing I've ever heard.
AT: I'm sorry, but I'm not a fish. If you think I'm a fish..then just say so...we're friends. I'm not here to hurt anyone.
Shrink: I didn't say "I think you are a fish."
AT: Then why were you so surprised when I said "I'm not a fish?" It almost seems that you were disappointed that I'm not a fish.
Shrink: Shut up! Damn it. I'm not disappointed that you are not a fish.
AT: But you really wanted me to be a fish didn't you?
AT: OK, so what's your point? I told you I'm not a fish...so what.
Shrink: But why would you say such a thing?
AT: Look I'm sorry. I also have to include mammals here, so I'm not a whale.........I'm also not a sturgeon. I'm not Moby Dick.
Shrink: That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.
AT: Do you have something against a fish with breasts?
AT: Hey, you're supposed to be the shrink...if you make me feel stupid, I'll sue you for lowering my self-esteem.
Shrink: Ok, Ok, let's just try to get along.
AT: Famous words from Rodney King...he's not a fish either. But the cops pounded on him like he was a dead fish...You don't suppose???????????
Shrink: Very funny
AT: It's not funny, you think the beating of Rodney King was funny? Are you a racist? Hey, you don't like black people. I'll sue you for a civil rights violation.
Shrink: I'm losing my patience with you Mr. Thompson
AT: Are you going to beat me like a fish? I'm not a fish....
AT SUPERVISOR'S OFFICE
Shrink (to a superior): I have been visiting with Mr. Thompson, and he says, "He's not a fish." Is that the craziest thing you've ever heard?
Superior: Why no! He's right he's not a fish..he's just telling you the truth..what's the matter with you?
Shrink: DON'T START WITH ME..JUST GET THAT SON OF A BITCH OUTTA HERE, GET HIM OUTTA HERE BEFORE I KILL HIM. TELL THE JUDGE HE'S PERFECTLY SANE AND NEVER, NEVER, SEND THAT JERK BACK IN HERE.
Superior: Hey, we're supposed to keep him for 30 days.
Shrink: We couldn't keep enough drugs into that asshole to shut him up for thirty days without killing him. And don't give me any ideas. GET HIM OUTTA HERE NOW!